If you are an aspirant with heavy workex walking into a Bschool after slogging in the IT sector for years, you are most likely to have the following dreams -
• Investment Banking or a FMCG marketing job
• Having fun in a class with more than 33% girls. (For an engineer, it is like living a dream). Some of you might even have aspirations of finding your life partner at a Bschool.
• And most importantly – Huge packages and the future of a classy lifestyle.
On the last day of office you tell your boss and everybody around – “Fuck you IT, I will never return”. And then this is what happens to you –
• You will be nicknamed “Dada”, “Grandpa”, “buddha”, “Baba”, “Oldie” on the very first day of college. Mean freshers(like me) do it to eliminate you from the battle for the cutest female. Ignore them, you cannot help it. Get used to your nickname; it will now stick with you for a lifetime.
• In the first 15 days of hell (known as induction), you will be harassed by some senior whom you ragged when he was your junior in graduation. He will take strong revenge for all your misdemeanors in engineering college and you will regret being a bully as a senior.
• 80% of the 33% girls you are excited about would be at least 4-5 years younger than you. They will at best treat you like ANNA (elder brother) if not uncle.
• 99.99% of the 5% girls of your age would already be committed, married or engaged. The balance 0.01% are single because of a reason. (Use your own judgment to guess why. I refrain from making any racist/sexist/biased comments on my blog)
• In the initial days, you will arrogantly smirk at the global, far from reality “gaseous viewpoints” - your stupid younger classmates have. Very soon you will realize that only such “gas” points are appreciated in the Bschool world.
• Being the most experienced and by that logic most responsible guy in the batch you will be given all the “Non CV point” responsibilities like escorting drunk guys(only guys) back from party, arranging all fun trips and then haggling with the bus driver about the route when the other irresponsible kids are having fun in the back.
• Going back to classes would be extremely difficult after 4-5 years of working. Because despite all the fun, there is a whole lot of studying that happens in classes. Unless, you are a ghissu of the highest order you will most often end up at the bottom rung in academic ladder. And this will end any hope you had of getting an I-bank shortlist.
• If you were one of those irritated by office politics and wanted to run away from it by getting into a BSchool, you are screwed. BSchool politics will put to shame, even the worst of Politicians. Every institute has its own Karunanidhi(commonly known as the “Placement Secretary”) and its DMK family. My sincere advice is to become his family’s Dayanidhi Maran in the first year itself.
• Two years is a long time, the really pretty super cute girl in the next building will be married by the time you come out of “college”. She will call you informing you about the news this way – “You know, I had a crush on you. But then my parents were forcing me to get married and you went to complete your MBA. I could not have waited for 2 years. But now I am happy. "Insert name of any guy you hate" is a nice guy. Not an MBA like you, but still I am very happy. IT engineer settled in US etc.”
• Banks and FMCG companies will conveniently ignore you because of your age. (Wait, which other companies come on campus. Don’t worry, desi group companies & IT companies would definitely give you a shortlist :-))
• You will be married or engaged months after your studies. So in effect, your bachelor life with assured monthly cash flows is effectively over the day you walk out of your current job.
• Perhaps the most damaging one – When you come out of a Bschool you will most probably end up in Mumbai (THE most expensive city in the world) with no bank balance, fresher at a job with an enormous bank loan (unless you were at FMS of course :)) to pay at the ripe old age of 27. And all this after having lived a completely fun filled life in Gurgaon, Hyderabad or Bangalore at less than half the salary packages pre MBA.
Can it get any worse???
PS: Dedicated to all my friends who went to B school as a 25 year old.
PPS: If you are a 25 something heading into a Bschool, please don’t take this article too seriously. I am just kidding. Wish you all the best for your MBA.
